Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
