whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
