she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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