My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
