I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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