Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize