Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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