nut hugger
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize