she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
