he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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