Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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