girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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