I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
