It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
