If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
