my vag is so smooth its legendary
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
