Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
