You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
