somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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