My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize