She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
