they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
