I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize