New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
