Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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