I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
