Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
