My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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