I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
