The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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