I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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