youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
