i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
