Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
