Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize