You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
