cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
