Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
