Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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