The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
