we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
