literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
