What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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