I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
