Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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