do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
