she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
