i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
