On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
