Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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