Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
