Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
