Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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