I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
