my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
