I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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