she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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