first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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