if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
