oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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